Creative responses to #Amazon
” If you explained in understandable language what you believed I had done, I could give you a plan- instead, this letter goes to a bot that spits out the same response ad infinitum- it’s frustrating, to say the least. I would not guess what the most would be, I dream of vast destructions. I imagine warehouses aflame and robots burning… do they scream? Can they feel? I feel.
I almost wept when I told one of your human minions I’d write to Jeff Bezos and they laughed…
“ Men made the Machine…do not forget that…The Machine is much, but not everything.”
― E.M. Forster, The Machine Stops
Someday you too may be trapped in its clutches, unable to reach a human, unable to get water or food…and then you too shall cry.
“Our review of your account found that your account is closely related to accounts who have written Amazon customer reviews for books that you have a financial interest in. This includes books that you or your competitors have published.”
Me: “What account is my account related to ?- as far as I know, it is not related to any other accounts. I have provided you with the information of two of the four people who reviewed my book – One did not want their information revealed and you keep sending me the same form. Are they the accounts you believe are related to mine/”
“To publish on Amazon.com, please reply to this message with the following information – please kindly provide us ASIN(s), RID(s) or CID(s) in your plan.:”
I do not know what this means.
And then there’s the usual … asking for third-party websites, which I can’t supply because there are none.
Day WTF I lost count
More fun with #Amazon – It’s a mad circle. I told the last agent I was talking to:” All I want is to know what you think I have done, specifically, then I can give you a “plan” to fix it. Asking me to reveal the third party websites I engaged to manipulate reviews is like being asked,’When did you stop beating your mother?’ I told her it was an analogy… but she hung up anyway. Maybe she does beat her mom and it was a sore spot… at least for her mother.
— Contact information (name, email address, website, etc.) for any third parties you engaged to obtain prohibited reviews or manipulate reviews.
Because I did not use third parties, I can’t give you contact info for the third parties I didn’t use.
— Documentation (e.g., emails, receipts) from any such third party confirming you used their service.
I can’t give you documentation because I did not use a third party
— Description of steps you have taken to prevent product review manipulation within your organization and how this will prevent future violations.
I don’t have an organization. I cannot do anything to prevent product review manipulation within a nonexistent organization.
Once we receive your plan, we will review it and decide whether you may publish on Amazon.com again.
At this time, we provide support for questions about customer review manipulation by email only.
That’s great – I recomend The Trial by Kafka – he didn’t manipulate me to recomend it either because he’s dead.
AMAZON — Contact information (name, email address, website, etc.) for any third parties you engaged to obtain prohibited reviews or manipulate reviews.
Because I did not use third parties, I can’t give you contact information for the third parties I didn’t use.
Day 1 –
Amazon sends mysterious letter and cancels my account .