#Amazon #Wars Save me Jeff Bezos!

 This is the beginning of a journal  of my Amazon Fucks me Journal
Day who -the- fuck- knows- any -more
To Barabara DR-
Is this the phone call RJ, one of the “customer leads” from KDP said I’d receive? Because it doesn’t seem like a phone call, but I could be mistaken. He said someone from the mysterious, phoneless Community Review department would contact me and explain to me what I have done to incur the Communities rath and cause them to revoke my publishing privileges.
You say,” I have already contacted the team to request an insight on your situation.” Please forgive any impertance on my part, but how difficult is this?
If some live person could simply look at my account and tell me in actual words- not initials – what the problem is I’m, sure we could easily clear this up. I have not engaged any third party websites, nor have relatives, close friends, or employees reviewed my books, though fans who I know and am friendly with, have.
Please help me is fixing this soon, as I depend on publishing my books for my livelihood.
Day – who knows- who cares
#Amazon wars – I managed to contact #KDP on the phone and speak to a “Customer service lead,” called RJ, who almost never speaks to actual people… if shows.
He said my letter is coming from a mysterious department called “Community Reviews, that exists in a separate universe without phones and that is no way for me to contact them. He said they have terminated me – or at least my account. I asked, actually begged him to explain to me what I had done. He could not. He said, “I don’t understand it.” Then, when I said, “See, even you don’t understand it,” he got very, very angry and began to read THE LETTER to me…
I asked if he could please just put himself in my place, but RJ is a Customer Service Lead, he’s above that.
Finally, he promised that within 24 hours, I’d get a phone call from the department that has no phones. I did not. Instead, I got this…
“Good evening Elizabeth,
My name is Barbara and I’m a Kindle Direct Publishing supervisor.
I received your concern regarding some reviews posted in our platform that did not follow our guidelines.
I have already contacted the team to request an insight on your situation. As soon as I receive a response, I will contact you back.
In advance I really appreciate all your patience while working on a solution.
Regards,
Barbara DR”
Do you suppose she’s a Doctor? Are the community guidelines so complex you need a PhD to comprehend them?
DAY 7

Creative responses to #Amazon

” If you explained in understandable language what you believed I had done, I could give you a plan- instead, this letter goes to a bot that spits out the same response ad infinitum- it’s frustrating, to say the least. I would not guess what the most would be, I dream of vast destructions. I imagine warehouses aflame and robots burning… do they scream? Can they feel? I feel.
I almost wept when I told one of your human minions I’d write to Jeff Bezos and they laughed…

“ Men made the Machine…do not forget that…The Machine is much, but not everything.”
― E.M. Forster, The Machine Stops

Someday you too may be trapped in its clutches, unable to reach a human, unable to get water or food…and then you too shall cry.

 

Day 6

I told the #Amazon guy I was thinking of writing #Jeff #Bezos because I didn’t know what else to do and he laughed…
I guess it’s funny, in a sick, sad way

Day 5

So – The #Amazon Loop continues – I think I will write #Jeff #Bezos – I just talked to someone who promised I will somehow (miraculously) get transferred to talk to someone tomorrow …

From #Amazon
“Our review of your account found that your account is closely related to accounts who have written Amazon customer reviews for books that you have a financial interest in. This includes books that you or your competitors have published.”

Me: “What account is my account related to ?- as far as I know, it is not related to any other accounts. I have provided you with the information of two of the four people who reviewed my book – One did not want their information revealed and you keep sending me the same form. Are they the accounts you believe are related to mine/”

“To publish on Amazon.com, please reply to this message with the following information – please kindly provide us ASIN(s), RID(s) or CID(s) in your plan.:”

I do not know what this means.

And then there’s the usual … asking for third-party websites, which I can’t supply because there are none.

Day WTF I lost count

 

More fun with #Amazon – It’s a mad circle. I told the last agent I was talking to:” All I want is to know what you think I have done, specifically, then I can give you a “plan” to fix it. Asking me to reveal the third party websites I engaged to manipulate reviews is like being asked,’When did you stop beating your mother?’ I told her it was an analogy… but she hung up anyway. Maybe she does beat her mom and it was a sore spot… at least for her mother.

 

Day 4

— Contact information (name, email address, website, etc.) for any third parties you engaged to obtain prohibited reviews or manipulate reviews.

Because I did not use third parties, I can’t give you contact info for the third parties I didn’t use.


— Documentation (e.g., emails, receipts) from any such third party confirming you used their service.

I can’t give you documentation because I did not use a third party
— Description of steps you have taken to prevent product review manipulation within your organization and how this will prevent future violations.

I don’t have an organization. I cannot do anything to prevent product review manipulation within a nonexistent organization.

Once we receive your plan, we will review it and decide whether you may publish on Amazon.com again.

At this time, we provide support for questions about customer review manipulation by email only.
That’s great – I recomend The Trial by Kafka – he didn’t manipulate me to recomend it either because he’s dead.

 

Day 2

AMAZON — Contact information (name, email address, website, etc.) for any third parties you engaged to obtain prohibited reviews or manipulate reviews.
ME —
Because I did not use third parties, I can’t give you contact information for the third parties I didn’t use.

 

Day 1 –

Amazon sends mysterious letter and cancels my account .

 

 

 

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About E.E. King

E.E. King’s has published many short stories. Ray Bradbury calls E.E. King a writer “marvelously inventive, wildly funny and deeply thought provoking. I can not recommend her highly enough.” HER NEW COLLECTION new Collection of Short Fiction “Another Happy Ending,” comes out in October 2013. There is a book launch and party @ Ray Bradbury’s favorite Bookstore Mystery and Imagination Bookstore October 20th @ 2:00 -3:00pm Her first novel, Dirk Quigby’s Guide to the Afterlife, came out 2010, released in Spanish in 2/2012. She is performing bits of "Dirk Quigby’s Guide to the Afterlife, all you need to know to choose the right heaven.” (in costume) October 30th @ 7:30-8:30 @Echo Park in “Stories Book and Café.” 1716 West Sunset Blvd • Los Angeles • CA [213] 413-3733 The New Short Fiction Series, Los Angeles’ longest running spoken word series, launched her anthology, Real Conversations With Imaginary Friends, 1/2012. Sponsor, Barnes & Noble. All her books as well as her children’s book The Adventures of Emily Finfeather or The Feathernail and Other Gifts are currently available on audible. E.E. King is the recipient of various international writing, biology and painting grants. Her murals can be seen in Downtown Los Angeles and Spain. Elizabeth Eve King has a background in teaching, painting, theater, comedy and biology. She will be an artist in residence at the Masterworks Museum of Bermuda Art June -Sept 2015 Ms. King is the recipient of two International Tides painting fellowships, and two international biology Earthwatch grants. She was an advisor for the J. Paul Getty’s and the Science Center’s, Arts &; Science program. She was the Science and Arts coordinator in Bosnia with Global Children’s Organization (a summer camp for war orphans and refugees) in 2000. She was the founding Arts & Sciences Director for Esperanza Community Housing Corporation . She’s worked with children in Bosnia, crocodiles in Mexico, frogs in Puerto Rico, egrets in Bali, mushrooms in Montana, archaeologists in Spain and planted butterfly gardens in South Central Los Angeles. The butterflies wish she had chosen a different location. Her short stories have been published widely
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